I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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