road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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