Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
