I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
