I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
