That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just cropdusted the office
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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