Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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