If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
