Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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