i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Houston, we have a blender
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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