we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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