a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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