i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
