they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
