I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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