can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
