M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
