Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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