I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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