I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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