i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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