i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
