Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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