im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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