i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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