I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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