Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
