Farmville is her only friend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
