That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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