my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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