I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
