i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
