mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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