hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
