Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
