No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
