i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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