I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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