Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
