No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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