Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
