i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
