But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
