I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
