my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
