guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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