We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
