Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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