If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
