Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
