after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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