I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
