Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i now understand why vodka
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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