Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize