i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
home. puking in laundry basket.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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